My paper plate thanksgiving
The run up to the holiday season has always filled me with loads of emotions, ranging from excitement to dread and anticipation to fear.
But here’s the thing…. I cannot, for the life of me figure out how I survived it all in years past! The angst, the nightmare of not getting it all done, all just seems a bit too much for me this year.
Can you relate?
In a way, my stroke was a wake-up call, begging me to hear its shouty warnings.
It seemed to whisper in my ear, while winking, that, “Life is short. Take it all in.”
So this year, when we have a lot to be thankful for, I’m telling myself to relax, just a bit.
But, is it that easy?
I am not kidding when I say this (because I am known to be the world’s biggest perfectionist) my house, the turkey, the decorations…. needn’t be elaborate.
Or do they…..
While I’m chanting my mantra-of-the-moment “Bless not impress”, it makes me think.
About My Team
My team, those who stood beside me and my family these past months, some of the darkest of my life, they’re the ones who deserve a celebration.
These guys took care of me. They were the ones who cooked for my family. They organized our lives when we couldn’t.
So yeah, I owe them a big, huge Thanksgiving without the pretence.
I want to sit with them, hear their stories, laugh with them about things which we will probably not find funny in the morning, drink wine until the last guest goes home and do it all again next year and again next year… for many years to come.
About My Family
My family has grown-up from our experiences, of course we have, but I‘d be lying if I said that we’ve made sense of it all.
It is like a bomb exploded. There we were, in the throes of ski season and poof! We have been thrown into another world, one where the needs of our secure little family changed from the icing on top of the big, layered cake, to the most basic.
In these past months, since my stroke, we have made many changes to how we live our lives.
The children, for instance, have all grown beyond their years. Their level of accepting physical and mental challenges have deepened and widened their perspectives.
Our marriage has had to morph into something different. There had to be an involuntary shift of roles between Johan and myself, leaving us in unfamiliar territory.
So, I feel like spoiling them all rotten this Christmas!
I just can’t wait to spend the time off playing games, listening to their stories, reading with them, sitting in front of the fire (or in this case the pool, as we are going south!) not missing the important stuff.
This year has been a rough one.
We’re seeing it out with gratitude and grace, as we come together with a collective “Sayonara”!!!
And, above it all, my life
I may never grow out of my incessant need to have everything around me sitting just so.
But, I can demand less from you, my friends, my supporters, the people who have proven to pick me up when the worst happens.
What changes when you have a major-life-altering event is, from my perspective, that you feel everything so utterly deeply.
I realised that I couldn’t keep insisting you play by my rules. It just began to hurt too much.
It’s in its early stages, this recipe of accepting you for you. Instead of creating an image that I expect you to be and all that you have to live up to, I’m forming the more healthy habit of acceptance.
Hopefully that line becomes blurred, to the point where I don’t see that division between you and me anymore. Hopefully, I will extend that same kindness and acceptance to myself.
You see, I am not there yet.
To have Thanksgiving on paper plates…. well, I may never get there.
Until then, I’m rocking this mantra-of-the-holiday-moment “Just go with the flow and enjoy life“.
Happy everything.
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